20 = 1/5 of a Century

So I’ve made it to this point of my life, an age where the immaturities and dramas of adolescence are supposed to just fall away like a fashion trend left behind in a passing decade, scoffed for its unenlightened taste but remembered for the endearing qualities that captured the time in an enjoyable memory. I’ve reached a time where it feels like I should move on to bigger better things, where I should step out of the mindsets holding me back and strap on the new adventure-seeking boots and rugged jackets ready to take the abuse of a more sinister age-group that will no longer be willing to look at me as just another naïve silly teenager. I’ve reached a new terrain on this path to the peak of the moutain, the ground is shifting as the road gets higher and the air gets thinner, but the sun is shining brighter and closer than ever.

Admittedly I didn’t wake up this morning with fairy dust or cosmic sparkles or confetti swooshing from the air to the sound of horns and trumpets. It has basically been a normal day besides the abundant “Happy Birthday” messages of different mediums reaching me throughout the day – texts, emails, writing on the dry erase board on my door, cards both online and in the mail, gifts and packages, and phone calls. But I didn’t hear an internal pop at the magic hour when my time on earth had rolled over from 19.9 to 20 years and the annual radio turned on. I just woke up and knew. I had to make a conscious decision to acknowledge that yes, this is the twenty-first September 17th I have ever lived through, which means this is the completion of my twentieth year on earth. I have to decide that I want to change because Nature isn’t going to make that decision for me. It can biologically push me forward down the one-way street of Time, but ultimately it is up to me to say I am going to change, I am going to be different from now on! Technically I could say this at any point I wanted, but birthdays are a much more symbolic moment. As of now I have officially passed through the teenage phase and into the young adult phase of life. This is supposed to be the time when life starts getting real, when I am supposed to start taking responsibility for myself, to learn things about the outside world, how it works, what it takes to survive on my own, when to be wary of things that look too good to be true, when to jump on the right opportunities, and so on. Of course, it is always good to have these kinds of discernment, but it is much more expected of someone who has reached a certain age and more unforgivable if they haven’t. To be honest, I would rather be turning fifty right now, an age I consider wise, rich in knowledge and experience, and full of joy for having lived long enough to really outgrow all the layers of immaturity without losing a childlike joy for life itself, and at the same time growing mature enough to fall deeply in love with God and yet having the wisdom to know that you are still a child in His eyes. Life is full of oxymoronic dichotomies. Grow older in years to realize how childlike you are in the face of God. I feel so ready to hopscotch through life, experience everything at once, read the end of the book before taking the journey of the story. I want it all! And I want it all now! I want to know how my grandparents feel when they wake up every day knowing they have come this far. I want to know what it is like to watch the sun rise over the tops of mountains while sipping tea in a fertile green hillside. I want to know what it’s like to look in a mirror, see wrinkles that have been companions for decades, and smile at the sight of them. I want to know what it’s like to watch gray hair turn whiter every day. I want to know what it’s like to reach a point where I appreciate age so much I wouldn’t trade it for youth, because the years I’ve lived have filled me with too much joy to give up. I’m so ready to be there. But it looks like I still have to keep going at the same rate, because in order to get there, I have to take the ride first. But to get there, I have to live a life that I can look back on and smile. And to live that kind of life, I have to change my attitude. And what better time to start than now, today, on a birthday train that picks me up at Teenager Lane and drops me off at Twenty-Something Street? Life hasn’t stopped yet, it just keeps taking me to new places, to new selves to try on, to new people to meet. God, take me by the hand, pull me in close, whisper in my ear something encouraging, and lead me away. I’m willing, and I trust You.