Enlightenment is: do what you want eat what there is. - Jack Kerouac
The final mystery is oneself. - Oscar Wilde
The greatest thing in the world is to know how to be one’s own self. – Montaigne
I care not so much what I am to others as what I am to myself. – Montaigne
I’m erecting a barrier of simplicity between myself and the world. – Andre Gide
To be interested in the changing seasons is a happier state of mind than to be hopelessly in love with spring. – George Santayana
It is best to be yourself, imperial, plain and true. – Robert Browning
Nature does not hurry, yet everything is accomplished. - Lao Tsu
Our lives...are but a little while, so let them run as sweetly as you can, and give no thought to grief from day to day. For time is not concerned to keep our hopes, but hurries on its business, and is gone. - Euripides
Have no fear of perfection. You'll never reach it. - Salvador Dali
Better a diamond with a flaw than a pebble without. - Confucius
Often people attempt to live their lives backwards: they try to have more things, or more money, in order to do more of what they want, so they will be happier. The way it actually works is the reverse. You must first be who you really are, then, do what you need to do, in order to have what you want. - Margaret Young
Saturday, March 21, 2009
Sunday, March 15, 2009
It's Over
Well, that's it, Spring Break is done and over. Sigh. I don't want to get back to the real world yet, I had such a nice break, just hanging out with new people, staying up late every night, getting to know Shannon and Christina, watching movies, laying around, staying inside when it was wet and yucky. Sigh. I'm not ready to get back to work. I thought I was going to be upset by having to move out of my own room, but it turned out to be a blessing. I met some really nice people, I hung out in a wide open lobby most of the time so I didn't feel isolated, alone, and cramped. I had fun. I interacted with people and shared some things about myself with people who were actually interested in getting to know me. I admit I didn't get nearly as much done as I had been hoping to, but you know, I at least had a good time. I got a good chunk of things done in any case. I'm still hoping to take these last hours of Sunday to finish some things on my Romeo and Juliet paper, and hopefully mom will call with some taxes info that I need. But all in all, I liked my break, and I wish it could continue.
I'm so happy because I got to talk to my grandma and grandpa through Skype for a whole hour! It was WONDERFUL to see their faces while we spoke, I miss seeing them so much. And later today I will hopefully get to do the same with dad! I had such an amazing time with him when he was here, it'll be great to see his face and hear his voice again. I love him so much.
Well, I guess I will get back to my Romeo and Juliet paper. Sigh. My teacher really intimidates me. I don't know what he'll like or hate. He always seems unimpressed and irritated, even though he's always smiling. It's unnerving. Makes me anxious. I am not looking forward to turning in this paper at all, and it's only because of him. All he ever wants is "brilliance" but I'm not really sure what would count as brilliance. And besides, it's a 6-8 page paper, and I could write a 15 page paper with all the things I want to say! This is hard... I can't wait for this class to be over with.
I'm so happy because I got to talk to my grandma and grandpa through Skype for a whole hour! It was WONDERFUL to see their faces while we spoke, I miss seeing them so much. And later today I will hopefully get to do the same with dad! I had such an amazing time with him when he was here, it'll be great to see his face and hear his voice again. I love him so much.
Well, I guess I will get back to my Romeo and Juliet paper. Sigh. My teacher really intimidates me. I don't know what he'll like or hate. He always seems unimpressed and irritated, even though he's always smiling. It's unnerving. Makes me anxious. I am not looking forward to turning in this paper at all, and it's only because of him. All he ever wants is "brilliance" but I'm not really sure what would count as brilliance. And besides, it's a 6-8 page paper, and I could write a 15 page paper with all the things I want to say! This is hard... I can't wait for this class to be over with.
Thursday, March 5, 2009
Stupid Spring Break!
So I am staying at ACU for Spring Break with high hopes of getting a lot of work done. I have several different projects/papers to be working on and books to be reading, and just for my own sake I'm going to remind myself of what they are:
Pauline Ethics paper
Read Muslim on Christian Road
Book review on the book
Watch all the different versions of Romeo and Juliet then
Romeo and Juliet paper
Study for World Lit by rereading the texts
File a new FAFSA
File my taxes
Start my presentation on Feng Shui
Read book on the early Roman church
That's all I can think of right now, and that might be it. In any case, it's a lot, but I'm ready to do it all, starting tomorrow, Friday. Unfortunately, I found out LAST NIGHT that I will be forced to remove myself from my dorm hall because there will be no staff available to man the desk, and therefore it is unsafe for me to be in the hall all week. Therefore, I am being relocated to the dorm building next to mine where there WILL be a staff member manning the desk, and I will be put into an empty room and have to drag anything and everything that I will need during the whole break across the street into the room just like I had to do over Thanksgiving, which is just irksome and inconvenient on so many levels I can't even think about it without clenching up out of fear of saying something rude.
I mean, seriously, I want to stay in my own room!!!!!! All of my stuff is there! If I find out half way through the week that I forgot something, then that's just too bad, so sad, sorry about that! GRRR!!! I don't want to have to pack up all my stuff and move it, that's one of the good points about staying at the school! But oh nooooo, they're going to make me do it anyway because they're liable if something awful happens to me while I'm by myself. Jeez, that's just aggravatingly annoying. I just... UGGHHH!!! This SUCKS!!!!!!!!!! Stupid stupid STUPID!!!!!!! *stomps around waving hands in frustration* I! HATE! THIS! SO! MUCH!
Oh well, I guess things can't be perfect anyway.
On another note, I was looking over the classes I want to take the rest of my college career and I'm so many things: nervous, intimidated, excited, interested, scared, hopeful. There are so many great sounding classes that I would love to take, but I am so scared that I will not be able to keep up with them all and that they will be hard and I will lower my GPA and lose my scholarship, and I just can't let that happen. I would do so much to keep my scholarship. I hate feeling like it isn't mine. I only have it as long as I keep my GPA at a certain level, and so it isn't a definite thing, which I hate. There's so much uncertainty and so much pressure to keep my grades up that I can't just relax and enjoy myself and my classes. I choose my classes wondering, "Will this class be too hard? Is taking this class risking my GPA?" And I don't want to have to worry about that! I worked so flippin hard during high school to GET this scholarship, and now that I have it, I STILL have to keep working just to keep it! I hate that too! I just want to HAVE it, I don't want there to be conditions attached, that just makes me anxious and unfocused and disturbed. I wish I had a billion dollars or something, so I could know beyond a doubt that I could afford college, and afford the rest of my life. But I don't, I can't be sure of anything. Oh God, please please PLEASE God, help me keep this scholarship, PLEASE!! I'm so scared...
Love you guys! Hope you're doing well!
Pauline Ethics paper
Read Muslim on Christian Road
Book review on the book
Watch all the different versions of Romeo and Juliet then
Romeo and Juliet paper
Study for World Lit by rereading the texts
File a new FAFSA
File my taxes
Start my presentation on Feng Shui
Read book on the early Roman church
That's all I can think of right now, and that might be it. In any case, it's a lot, but I'm ready to do it all, starting tomorrow, Friday. Unfortunately, I found out LAST NIGHT that I will be forced to remove myself from my dorm hall because there will be no staff available to man the desk, and therefore it is unsafe for me to be in the hall all week. Therefore, I am being relocated to the dorm building next to mine where there WILL be a staff member manning the desk, and I will be put into an empty room and have to drag anything and everything that I will need during the whole break across the street into the room just like I had to do over Thanksgiving, which is just irksome and inconvenient on so many levels I can't even think about it without clenching up out of fear of saying something rude.
I mean, seriously, I want to stay in my own room!!!!!! All of my stuff is there! If I find out half way through the week that I forgot something, then that's just too bad, so sad, sorry about that! GRRR!!! I don't want to have to pack up all my stuff and move it, that's one of the good points about staying at the school! But oh nooooo, they're going to make me do it anyway because they're liable if something awful happens to me while I'm by myself. Jeez, that's just aggravatingly annoying. I just... UGGHHH!!! This SUCKS!!!!!!!!!! Stupid stupid STUPID!!!!!!! *stomps around waving hands in frustration* I! HATE! THIS! SO! MUCH!
Oh well, I guess things can't be perfect anyway.
On another note, I was looking over the classes I want to take the rest of my college career and I'm so many things: nervous, intimidated, excited, interested, scared, hopeful. There are so many great sounding classes that I would love to take, but I am so scared that I will not be able to keep up with them all and that they will be hard and I will lower my GPA and lose my scholarship, and I just can't let that happen. I would do so much to keep my scholarship. I hate feeling like it isn't mine. I only have it as long as I keep my GPA at a certain level, and so it isn't a definite thing, which I hate. There's so much uncertainty and so much pressure to keep my grades up that I can't just relax and enjoy myself and my classes. I choose my classes wondering, "Will this class be too hard? Is taking this class risking my GPA?" And I don't want to have to worry about that! I worked so flippin hard during high school to GET this scholarship, and now that I have it, I STILL have to keep working just to keep it! I hate that too! I just want to HAVE it, I don't want there to be conditions attached, that just makes me anxious and unfocused and disturbed. I wish I had a billion dollars or something, so I could know beyond a doubt that I could afford college, and afford the rest of my life. But I don't, I can't be sure of anything. Oh God, please please PLEASE God, help me keep this scholarship, PLEASE!! I'm so scared...
Love you guys! Hope you're doing well!
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