Tonight was a nice night, beautiful outside and clear and still. I sat outside with Lorie and Sarah on the hood of Sarah's car for a few hours just talking and hanging out. It was nice to just look up and watch the sky get dark and the stars get brighter. It was also nice because Sarah just told me, without any real pre-discussion, "Kaleigh, you're really pretty." And later she said, "You're not just skin-pretty, you're also pretty on the inside." That was encouraging, and Lorie agreed. I think they are both a lot prettier than I am, and I said so, but I guess we all feel that way. Which is so weird, because I really think that Sarah has a beautiful face. I don't understand it when these "gorgeous" girls who look like all the other gorgeous stars out there don't think they're pretty. I feel like I'm "justified" when I say I'm not pretty because I don't look like any of the stars who are considered pretty, but a lot of these other girls, they could be on TV with just their faces alone, but they still will say, "I'm not pretty" or "I hate how I look". And I just think, "You don't have any right to say that, you really ARE pretty, you look just like the people who everyone thinks is pretty, how can you say you're not pretty?!" I, on the other hand, could never be on TV for my face, so I feel like it's fiiting for me to not feel pretty. And it also makes me sort of mad because I feel like these other girls don't appreciate the beauty that they have, and it goes to waste on them, whereas someone like me who knows what it's like to really not be pretty would love to be able to have a face like theirs. I would be so happy to have these girls' faces because then I would feel pretty, and it's weird to think that I would feel pretty with their face but they have it now and don't feel pretty. How can one person feel pretty with the same face that another person feels ugly with? It's the same face! It's weird. But anyway, yeah, I appreciated Sarah saying that to me. I've still sworn off mirrors, until further notice, but that's helped me feel better about myself. The less I know about the details of my appearance, the less I can scrutinize and criticize and despise. I don't know how I look, so I just act how I feel inside, not how I feel about the outside.
Oh yeah, Sunday night I finally talked to these three girls on the second floor that I see all the time but have never actually met officially: Farren, Amber, and Erin. They are so nice, the first two are roommates, Erin is by herself I think. But they are so nice, we talked for hours, and unless they were lying, they like me too. They think I'm funny, lol. ^_^ I hope I get to talk to them more often.
We have no classes on Friday, so that's nice, I think. I would really like to get a lot of work done, or sleep. Either one. Or both. Yeah, both would be good. Of course, ideally I would ALSO love for dad to be able to come visit this weekend. A lot of people are leaving for the "Fall Break" (aka, Three Day Weekend) but I'm not going to bother. And I'm not planning on going home for Thanksgiving either. I don't like the holiday, and it's only five days long anyway. And besides, the semester ends two weeks after that, so what's the point?
Ok, well that's as much as I can report right now. I have a test tomorrow in Biology at 8AM and then a six minute informative speech to give at 1:30 for COMS. Fun. -_- At least my outline is correct, which is worth 30 points, and I got 10 points for going to the speech center beforehand. So I have at least a 40, lol. But I think it will be all right.
Love, Peace, and Sweet Dreams!
Wednesday, October 29, 2008
Sunday, October 26, 2008
War Thoughts
Tomorrow in Bible class we are going to have a discussion on Christianity and ethics of war. We'll be discussing the different approaches and beliefs, etc. But it got me thinking and I just spent the last half hour or so spilling my own personal thoughts about war. Here they are.
In the ideal world, war would not even be a thought, because all people would love each other as Jesus says is the command from Heaven. Love God, and love your neighbor. If everyone in the world loved each other, war would not exist.
That is the starting point. My view is that I do not believe war is ever justifiable because it does not exist in the world of God (war between humans, I do believe in the war between God and the devil, but on earth we are all humans and cannot really be taking part in that war yet). I don’t think violence is a solution to anything, especially killing. I believe that if America withdrew all troops from war, and if everyone, EVERONE in America were to turn to God in prayer asking for safety and protection from other nations, that He would provide it, as a way to show His glory. However, I also don’t think that this is going to happen, because there are too many people in America who do not believe in God, even scorn God, and many more do not believe that a nation in prayer would be more powerful than a nation with weapons.
In any case, I don’t think war makes a difference anyway. I believe that things occur according to God’s plan no matter what humans decide to do. Whether we go to war or not, God will make his plans come to fruition. If one country needs to be dominated, it will happen if the country goes to war or not.
Going to war does nothing to help spread a message of love. If the point of going to war is to spread the message of God, people will see the actions before they hear such message and will see Christians as hypocrites of a vicious degree if they kill first and then talk of love later.
I think that before killing, one should capture and isolate away from the others in their groups who are encouraging them to be violent. If we go to war as a way to get rid of a group who are terrorizing other people, we should first capture them and isolate them so that they can be approached in a one-on-one manner so that someone can share with them the Gospel. If we kill them before teaching them about Jesus, we are condemning them to hell. I think that that puts their life on our hands. I could never let someone die without knowing that I had tried to lead them to Christ before they met God face to face and had to say that they had never put their faith in Christ. If we give a terrorist the chance to choose Christ rather than killing them, I think that shows a faith in love much more than hunting them down in order to wipe them out violently does. And I think God would approve of that over any war. It shows we follow a life of love, and concern for our neighbor, even individuals, and even individuals who are considered dangerous and hateful. We cannot justify killing a person because we hate them or hate what they are doing, or believe that what they are doing is wrong. If that were the case, we could not love anyone, because we all sin, we all do wrong things. No sin is worse than another, we are all on the same level in the eyes of God, so who are we to judge who is worthy of death before anyone else? Everyone deserves the chance to be shows what they are doing wrong, even terrorists. They need the chance to be confronted with the message of Jesus, given the chance to repent. If we say they deserve to go to hell for all the horror they have done in life, then we should say the same of everyone else, including ourselves. If we as Christians were not given the chance to repent of our own sins and put our faith in Jesus, we would end up in the same place as rapists, murderers, and terrorists who also were not saved. How can people be so hypocritical? War has the intention of killing non-Christians, and so therefore condemns those killed to hell! How is that love? How is that the message of Jesus? Even if you go to war in the name of Jesus, in the name of saving people, you are still killing others, others who deserved the same opportunity to meet Jesus on earth before death.
I believe that God rewards those who go out in His name as peacemakers. He says anyone looking to save his life will lose it, and those who lose their life for Him will save it. I don’t see that to mean that if you go out to war in the name of God you will save your life. I see it as saying that risking your life in the name of peace and love will save their soul, because it showed they cared more for the salvation of others, even those who would be considered pagans or infidels, rather than being safe and alive. These are martyrs, and they are always placed on a pedestal for those of us who are alive to praise for their courage and faith. Christians idolize the peacemakers, those full of faith and love for the Lord, and those who are killed even though they never harmed a soul. We praise them for that! And yet still insist that wars can be just. Is it too hard to believe that if a nation refused to go to war in the name of God and peace that God would not protect them? And even if He doesn’t, then is it too hard to believe that what happens to that nation is in the end to His glory? I’m not saying that subjugation would be fun or easy on a people, but how we act in that time, as true, faithful, loving Christians, would be to God’s glory. Maybe our actions would lead the nation that conquered us to convert. If after declaring peace a nation came and attacked us and confronted us and said, “Anyone who believes in God will be killed”, if every American still said they believed in God, I think that would resonate deeper than a nation who decides to go to war. It is scary to risk your life in war, even though you have weapons and an army with you. It is also scary to think of risking your life in the name of Jesus with no weapons, no protection, only an honest faith and love for God, and the belief that you do right by standing up in the name of God rather than staying silent in order to save your life. If everyone in a nation risked death by standing unprotected in from of someone threatening to kill you and declaring you believe in God even with that threat, I think news of that would spread farther, faster, and deeper into people’s hearts than news that those who go to war in the name of God are winning and killing their enemies faster than the other side. Moving stories of innocents being killed for their faith in defenseless situations are moving and reach the spirit. People who hear about those stories convert because they see that that kind of faith is stronger than faith than anything else in this world. People who convert because of fear of death are not really converts, they do not really understand the message of love that Jesus brings. We are even told in the Bible that God did not make us to have a spirit of fear, so why would Christians want to make converts by spreading fear? That makes no sense.
Of course, I am speaking about things that I don’t think Americans would ever be willing to do. I think Americans have too much pride in their freedom, in their rights, and especially the right to have guns, to give it up in the name of God, to give peace a try, to risk being attacked with no defense except a true faith in God, to sacrifice the comforts they have now for a future that may not be fun or easy or convenient. So while I truly believe these things, I have no expectations that they will ever be put to the test. So then, my actions come down to my personal convictions. I choose to avoid war because I personally do not believe it is ever just or holy. And that is what I will be held accountable for when I meet God after death. I choose to avoid evil rather than choose to go with the lesser of two evils. I am more patriotic to the Kingdom of God than to a nation that thinks war is the only way to defend its people. Innocent people and defenseless people will always be victims in this world, but as a people with the power to attack other nations, we have the choice to attack or to hold back, to restrain ourselves, and show that we choose peace even though we have the power to attack. We choose peace over violence. I think that if other nations saw America being attacked even after a declaration of peace that they would begin to attack that nation. The aggressive nation would be the target for their inhumanity of attacking a peaceful nation. America would be seen as “the good guy” because of their choice of peace, and any innocents who die in an attack by an aggressor, who chose to stay peaceful even in the face of a violent threat, will be rewarded in heaven, and their example will be glorified on earth and spread in the news in order to reach those who are not yet Christians. So even though an innocent lost their life, the message of their life will have long-lasting and far-reaching effects. I think that is the problem with many people, they do not believe that their actions will outlast their life. They feel like if they die, everything about them dies with them, and they will not have any effect. They think that if they are not around to see changes, the changes will not occur. But we all need to start believing that even though we die, how we lived will reach into the future and change people for the better, in the name of God. God can use you, dead or alive, for His purpose. If you believe that, then you will live as much in the image of God as you can and then accept death in His name because you know it is more important to die for Him than to live for the world.
That is how I choose to live. I choose to be “pacifist” because that is how I feel the world should be. Even though I don’t expect the world to follow me or do as I do, I choose not to conform to what others tell me is right. It is my personal conviction, and I can’t make myself do otherwise and still feel good about my life.
I think the idea of going to war as a means of spreading the faith is stupid. To spread the faith we should enter a country peacefully, go to the people and tell them what we know to be truth. Or, go to the country and capture the oppressive government officials, then reach the people peacefully. War causes fear and pain and suffering, hardly things we want to be associated with faith.
And when it comes to saving an innocent person who is being threatened by an oppressor, the most I can see is hurting the oppressor so that they are incapacitated for the moment, and restraining them so that you can speak to them. But I do not believe it is right to kill that person.
In the ideal world, war would not even be a thought, because all people would love each other as Jesus says is the command from Heaven. Love God, and love your neighbor. If everyone in the world loved each other, war would not exist.
That is the starting point. My view is that I do not believe war is ever justifiable because it does not exist in the world of God (war between humans, I do believe in the war between God and the devil, but on earth we are all humans and cannot really be taking part in that war yet). I don’t think violence is a solution to anything, especially killing. I believe that if America withdrew all troops from war, and if everyone, EVERONE in America were to turn to God in prayer asking for safety and protection from other nations, that He would provide it, as a way to show His glory. However, I also don’t think that this is going to happen, because there are too many people in America who do not believe in God, even scorn God, and many more do not believe that a nation in prayer would be more powerful than a nation with weapons.
In any case, I don’t think war makes a difference anyway. I believe that things occur according to God’s plan no matter what humans decide to do. Whether we go to war or not, God will make his plans come to fruition. If one country needs to be dominated, it will happen if the country goes to war or not.
Going to war does nothing to help spread a message of love. If the point of going to war is to spread the message of God, people will see the actions before they hear such message and will see Christians as hypocrites of a vicious degree if they kill first and then talk of love later.
I think that before killing, one should capture and isolate away from the others in their groups who are encouraging them to be violent. If we go to war as a way to get rid of a group who are terrorizing other people, we should first capture them and isolate them so that they can be approached in a one-on-one manner so that someone can share with them the Gospel. If we kill them before teaching them about Jesus, we are condemning them to hell. I think that that puts their life on our hands. I could never let someone die without knowing that I had tried to lead them to Christ before they met God face to face and had to say that they had never put their faith in Christ. If we give a terrorist the chance to choose Christ rather than killing them, I think that shows a faith in love much more than hunting them down in order to wipe them out violently does. And I think God would approve of that over any war. It shows we follow a life of love, and concern for our neighbor, even individuals, and even individuals who are considered dangerous and hateful. We cannot justify killing a person because we hate them or hate what they are doing, or believe that what they are doing is wrong. If that were the case, we could not love anyone, because we all sin, we all do wrong things. No sin is worse than another, we are all on the same level in the eyes of God, so who are we to judge who is worthy of death before anyone else? Everyone deserves the chance to be shows what they are doing wrong, even terrorists. They need the chance to be confronted with the message of Jesus, given the chance to repent. If we say they deserve to go to hell for all the horror they have done in life, then we should say the same of everyone else, including ourselves. If we as Christians were not given the chance to repent of our own sins and put our faith in Jesus, we would end up in the same place as rapists, murderers, and terrorists who also were not saved. How can people be so hypocritical? War has the intention of killing non-Christians, and so therefore condemns those killed to hell! How is that love? How is that the message of Jesus? Even if you go to war in the name of Jesus, in the name of saving people, you are still killing others, others who deserved the same opportunity to meet Jesus on earth before death.
I believe that God rewards those who go out in His name as peacemakers. He says anyone looking to save his life will lose it, and those who lose their life for Him will save it. I don’t see that to mean that if you go out to war in the name of God you will save your life. I see it as saying that risking your life in the name of peace and love will save their soul, because it showed they cared more for the salvation of others, even those who would be considered pagans or infidels, rather than being safe and alive. These are martyrs, and they are always placed on a pedestal for those of us who are alive to praise for their courage and faith. Christians idolize the peacemakers, those full of faith and love for the Lord, and those who are killed even though they never harmed a soul. We praise them for that! And yet still insist that wars can be just. Is it too hard to believe that if a nation refused to go to war in the name of God and peace that God would not protect them? And even if He doesn’t, then is it too hard to believe that what happens to that nation is in the end to His glory? I’m not saying that subjugation would be fun or easy on a people, but how we act in that time, as true, faithful, loving Christians, would be to God’s glory. Maybe our actions would lead the nation that conquered us to convert. If after declaring peace a nation came and attacked us and confronted us and said, “Anyone who believes in God will be killed”, if every American still said they believed in God, I think that would resonate deeper than a nation who decides to go to war. It is scary to risk your life in war, even though you have weapons and an army with you. It is also scary to think of risking your life in the name of Jesus with no weapons, no protection, only an honest faith and love for God, and the belief that you do right by standing up in the name of God rather than staying silent in order to save your life. If everyone in a nation risked death by standing unprotected in from of someone threatening to kill you and declaring you believe in God even with that threat, I think news of that would spread farther, faster, and deeper into people’s hearts than news that those who go to war in the name of God are winning and killing their enemies faster than the other side. Moving stories of innocents being killed for their faith in defenseless situations are moving and reach the spirit. People who hear about those stories convert because they see that that kind of faith is stronger than faith than anything else in this world. People who convert because of fear of death are not really converts, they do not really understand the message of love that Jesus brings. We are even told in the Bible that God did not make us to have a spirit of fear, so why would Christians want to make converts by spreading fear? That makes no sense.
Of course, I am speaking about things that I don’t think Americans would ever be willing to do. I think Americans have too much pride in their freedom, in their rights, and especially the right to have guns, to give it up in the name of God, to give peace a try, to risk being attacked with no defense except a true faith in God, to sacrifice the comforts they have now for a future that may not be fun or easy or convenient. So while I truly believe these things, I have no expectations that they will ever be put to the test. So then, my actions come down to my personal convictions. I choose to avoid war because I personally do not believe it is ever just or holy. And that is what I will be held accountable for when I meet God after death. I choose to avoid evil rather than choose to go with the lesser of two evils. I am more patriotic to the Kingdom of God than to a nation that thinks war is the only way to defend its people. Innocent people and defenseless people will always be victims in this world, but as a people with the power to attack other nations, we have the choice to attack or to hold back, to restrain ourselves, and show that we choose peace even though we have the power to attack. We choose peace over violence. I think that if other nations saw America being attacked even after a declaration of peace that they would begin to attack that nation. The aggressive nation would be the target for their inhumanity of attacking a peaceful nation. America would be seen as “the good guy” because of their choice of peace, and any innocents who die in an attack by an aggressor, who chose to stay peaceful even in the face of a violent threat, will be rewarded in heaven, and their example will be glorified on earth and spread in the news in order to reach those who are not yet Christians. So even though an innocent lost their life, the message of their life will have long-lasting and far-reaching effects. I think that is the problem with many people, they do not believe that their actions will outlast their life. They feel like if they die, everything about them dies with them, and they will not have any effect. They think that if they are not around to see changes, the changes will not occur. But we all need to start believing that even though we die, how we lived will reach into the future and change people for the better, in the name of God. God can use you, dead or alive, for His purpose. If you believe that, then you will live as much in the image of God as you can and then accept death in His name because you know it is more important to die for Him than to live for the world.
That is how I choose to live. I choose to be “pacifist” because that is how I feel the world should be. Even though I don’t expect the world to follow me or do as I do, I choose not to conform to what others tell me is right. It is my personal conviction, and I can’t make myself do otherwise and still feel good about my life.
I think the idea of going to war as a means of spreading the faith is stupid. To spread the faith we should enter a country peacefully, go to the people and tell them what we know to be truth. Or, go to the country and capture the oppressive government officials, then reach the people peacefully. War causes fear and pain and suffering, hardly things we want to be associated with faith.
And when it comes to saving an innocent person who is being threatened by an oppressor, the most I can see is hurting the oppressor so that they are incapacitated for the moment, and restraining them so that you can speak to them. But I do not believe it is right to kill that person.
Saturday, October 25, 2008
Mirror
I forgot to mention that I also just finished covering the mirror in my dorm. I took a lot of paper and taped it over, and then wrote some messages on it for me to see instead. I hate the feeling like my reflection is going to make me depressed, so if I just get rid of it, I don't have to think about it. I can just focus on how I feel, and the truth, which is that God loves me, no matter what, whether or not the world, or even I, thinks I am beautiful.
The Perfect Moment
I just had the perfect moment. I walked out into the lobby and Chanine was there with her parents, and as I walked past Chanine asked, "Hey Kaleigh, for fast food, have any suggestions?"
Immediately my response was, "Don't eat it."
LoL!! It was awesome, it just came right out, I didn't even think about it.
She and her parents all cracked up and Chanine said, "Oh, I'm sorry, I totally forgot who I was asking."
Her mom and dad were saying, "That's a great response."
So yeah, that made me happy.
I love being different. :P
I really want to be as raw-vegan as I can, but not exclusively, there are some foods that aren't raw that I don't want to give up. But I still cling to my anti-sugar, anti-junk food, anti-overprocessed foods lifestyle. I can't imagine myself ever eating animal foods again, or sugar. Just... ew. lol.
Immediately my response was, "Don't eat it."
LoL!! It was awesome, it just came right out, I didn't even think about it.
She and her parents all cracked up and Chanine said, "Oh, I'm sorry, I totally forgot who I was asking."
Her mom and dad were saying, "That's a great response."
So yeah, that made me happy.
I love being different. :P
I really want to be as raw-vegan as I can, but not exclusively, there are some foods that aren't raw that I don't want to give up. But I still cling to my anti-sugar, anti-junk food, anti-overprocessed foods lifestyle. I can't imagine myself ever eating animal foods again, or sugar. Just... ew. lol.
Sunday, October 19, 2008
The Not-So Christian Environment
I don't know what to think. I'm laying here in the middle of the lobby of my dorm hall and there are four girls sitting in a circle in front of me eating pizza, talking about how three girls in our hall got laid this weekend. Two of them are in the circle, one of them is on her way back I guess. But I mean, I'm laying here, and they're all just talking like it's the greatest thing in the world. The one girl is like, "I'm sore but I wouldn't trade it for anything in the world." It's sick! And we're in a Christian college, I can't wrap my head around it. And just now the one girl said that she was a virgin when she got here. Her first time was September 6th. "I'm really new at this," she says. The other girl snorted, because she's obviously not. I mean, I just... I guess I still sort of imagine this world where a Christian college means that people live a life according to Christ, or at least try to, and I know that going out looking for sex on the weekends is not Christ like. It makes me sad, because I want to say something, but it wouldn't be anything that they haven't already heard. I'm just sad, really really sad.
Thursday, October 2, 2008
Card Trick
This is an amusing story about my class this morning. I woke up at 7:45 for my 8:oo biology class that normally ends at 9:20. Well we were dutifully learning about epithelial tissues until 8:50 he said let's have a break. Five minutes later he comes back into the room with a deck of cards and tells us he's been practicing a card trick. If he can guess the card that someone draws, we'll continue class, and if he guesses wrong we'll get out early. So one guy picks out and shows everyone the queen of hearts, then puts it back in the deck and shuffles, per Dr. Pirtle's instructions. Then Dr. Pirtle starts laying down a row of cards, which includes the queen of hearts, and he sweeps the row aside and says, "It's not in there," and starts laying down another row of cards. At that point, some of the guys in front of me started putting their notes in their backpacks. He kept laying down rows until he was out of cards, and when he had laid down the last one, he kind of paused, then said, "I think I did it wrong," and started laughing. "Well I guess I better keep my word."
So we got out of class 20 minutes early, lol.
So we got out of class 20 minutes early, lol.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
