Venting

Nothing really to post, just a thought I had.
I've decided I'm not really attracted to people who have an ego. I'm drawn more to the people who think very little of themselves, who are quiet and self-effacing, who don't think they are worth much, who don't speak out very much, that kind of thing. I feel like I can get more personal with them, I feel like I can offer them something, like I can help build them or make them complete, like I can be the person to say the good things about them that they can't make themselves say. If people are full of themselves, what do they need me for? If they know they are good and talk about things they are good at, then it feels like they don't need a relationship with me. If someone is happy without me, what do they need me for? But if someone is unhappy, then it feels like I can help them and that they NEED me. I guess in the end that's what I want, to feel needed, and I feel like I'm not needed if someone is already a happy person or a confident person, and especially if they are proud or conceited.
Another thing. I love Richard, he's an awesome guy, he just has a few things that bug me. You know me, I'm pretty mellow, I don't tend to be shocked or excited about a lot of things, but this guy, he's ALWAYS loud and trying to get me excited, and I don't know, the more he does it, the more I tend to resist getting excited. He's always telling me so many ideas that he has that he gets excited about, and I don't know, I'm just not a very excitable person, and somehow I get annoyed when people - anybody - try to excite me. And lately he's started saying "Come play with me," which is just a saying of his, but it's weird to me. It sounds like a creepy predator telling some little kid to come out so he can mess with him, and that's just me, it's what it sounds like to me, and it weirds me out, lol. And he's always so loud and happy, always laughing and talking on and on and on, lol. And a lot of the time when he talks he's saying things he has already said, or saying stuff I already know, but saying it as if I don't know it, and that annoys me (it annoys me when ANYONE does that). And then there are the times when instead of trying to excite me he tries to shock me by telling me something really bad that has happened, and I don't know, I guess I've just gotten numb because nothing surprises me and nothing shocks me. I mean, that doesn't mean I'm not touched or hurt by the bad things I hear about, it just isn't anything I haven't heard before, so I'm not like, "GASP! NO WAY!" about it. It's more like just one more dig into a hole that's already a mile deep. But he'll always stare at me for about 5 seconds after he says something like that, and I guess he's waiting for that kind of reaction, but all I do is nod my head, and then he'll keep pushing his point, like nodding really emphatically and saying, "Yeah!" as if he thinks I don't really understand what he's saying, but I do, I just don't react the same way I would if it was the first time I had heard awful stories. And I feel bad about it, really, but at the same time I get annoyed when people try to stimulate me like that. I know, it's a personal problem, and I'm not saying it to be mean to Richard or anything, I think he's an awesome guy and he definitely has a spiritual gift in evangelism, I just had to get some of this stuff off my chest. There are times when I just get really annoyed with people because it feels like they are trying to get a reaction out of me, and out of some kind of dumb rebellion I resist giving it to them. I resent it when people try to excite me or shock me or impress me or tell me stuff I already know as if I don't know it. Like last night, Richard and I were talking about my research paper about food in America, and he started going on about how unhealthy everything is, and I was just sitting there thinking, "Uh, yeah, duh, I KNOW that, quit acting like you're the expert here." And I would even say, "Yeah, I know," after every point he said, but he kept going on to his next points, talking as if he was teaching me something. It was really offensive. I know he doesn't mean for it to be that way, I just take that kind of thing personally. When people talk like that I feel like they think I'm ignorant or dumb or something. If I'm sitting there and saying, "Yeah, I know," every ten seconds, I would hope that the person talking would take the hint, but most don't, and it just really grates on me. But I don't want to offend THEM by getting mad or anything.
Anyway, I just needed to vent. I have Bible class in half an hour, then after that I'm going over to Richard's house to work, and I'll probably spend the night tonight and Saturday night, so that should be fun. ^_^ I'll also be doing research and working on my Psychology case study and speech for Communication. So much to do, but isn't there always? lol
Love you guys!