Just Some Thoughts

So these are just some thoughts I’ve had recently. Right now I feel like my body is twice as big as it was when I started college. I feel like everything about my body has ballooned. I feel so big. But, I don’t feel discouraged. It’s amazing, all through high school I would have been miserably depressed if I had gained so much weight, but I’m growing up, growing out of that. I’m becoming a woman with bigger concerns. It doesn’t bother me that I’m not a stick figure anymore. It doesn’t hurt me to know I’m not skinny. I see thin girls around me and I am able to go on with my day. I see natural women of all sorts of shapes and sizes and it makes me smile to see them. They look beautiful to me, like real women who have embraced their bodies and live with them. Seeing real women makes me confident enough to be who I am, to not worry about my body, to not be stressed about not being the perfect ideal size I was in high school. I am who I am, and I am thankful for all the blessings I have in my life, all the family and friends who support me and lift me up and show me that life is bigger than just me. I don’t want to get bogged down in obsession with my weight again. I’m happier and more confident in myself that I’ve been in a very long time, and I only want to get more active as I get older, so I’m thankful that I have been able to gain weight without getting depressed.

Second, I don’t think my mom is ready to understand why I am vegan. It seems like she thinks I am still locked in my eating disorder and that that is what motivates me to be vegan. I don’t think she knows how strongly I feel for the cause, but I also think it would be difficult to explain my beliefs. I have this feeling that mom would have a hard time accepting that I have a sincere conviction to be vegan instead of an unhealthy disorder as my primary motive. I admit that my eating disorder was what first pushed me to be a vegan – it was very self-centered and simple-minded – but now I truly believe in what it stands for. Not to mention that vegans don’t appreciate anorexic vegans because it gives veganism a bad reputation. People already use the statistic that among vegetarians and vegans there is a higher percentage of eating disorders against it, so it’s better if I’m not super skinny again.

Third, I really don’t understand the stereotypical disgust that teenagers have toward their parents showing affection to each other. Maybe it’s because my parents are divorced, but I would be thrilled to see my parents kissing or showing PDA of some kind. It’s a sign that they love each other, why wouldn’t kids want to be assured of that? When I was a kid, that’s all I ever wanted. I dreamed about it, prayed for it. So I think that kids take it for granted when they get all weirded out because their parents hug and kiss and so on.

That’s all for now. I’ve been home a little more than a week but it feels longer, which is fine by me, I like it when time stretches out when you actually WANT it to. :)

Horror

Ok, I have to pause what I'm doing, I have to stop for the night. It's just too much. I've spent the last half hour crying my eyes out watching the first three parts of an 11 part documentary called Earthlings that exposes the raw, horribly gritty details of the animal industry and human "dependence" on animals. It's just too much. I can't even watch half of it. I want to throw up. How can people do this to animals? How can they do it without flinching? The way animals are treated, slaughtered... The word "evil" comes to mind when I watch this. I could never support these industries ever again, ever. And while I still hold to my decision to not judge people or be critical of people who continue to eat meat - and thereby support the cruelty of these industries that needlessly torture animals - I now feel it is much more important to SHOW people what they are supporting, to let them know how evil and violent and cruel the lifestyle is that they lead, that they depend on. I don't expect the world to become a better place by my efforts, but I can't just let people live blissfully in ignorance of how sickening the process is. If people decide they just can't live without their hamburgers, eggs, cheese, bacon, whatever, then fine, but I want them to make that choice KNOWING that that "food" came from living, breathing, bleeding creatures that felt pain and suffering, and had to DIE for the pleasure of humans. If the people I know can live with themselves knowing that, then there is nothing else to do, and I can try to be at peace with that. But just like I feel strongly about telling people about the grace of God given through Jesus Christ and giving them the choice of knowing Him, I want to show people the choice of living a life filled with cruelty and suffering, or one of peace and compassion. I don't know if I've ever felt as passionate about veganism and animal rights as I do right now, but what I just spend the last half hour watching has made me too sick to finish the rest right now and I am going to cry myself to sleep. It has always hurt me to see people being treated unfairly or cruelly for any reason, whether it was a defendable reason or not, but this video has really opened my eyes to the horror that animals are put through every day as if they were meaningless objects here on this earth for nothing more than to serve humans at any cost. That to me ranks with the rest of the evils in this world that humans commit against other humans, and the only thing I can say now is that there is no absolutely no way in this life that I could ever be tempted to consume any product of any kind that includes some form of animal product or animal cruelty. I just cannot in good conscience contribute to such horrific brutality.
Here is the link to the documentary:
Earthlings Part 1
I am encouraging everyone to watch at least a small part of this just so that you can know where I stand and why. I've only listened to the first three parts (I can only watch so much), but I will continue the rest tomorrow when my nerves and stomach are more settled. I think so far the third was the most traumatic for me, the one about farm animals.
Anyway, I love you all, God bless and have a great Friday tomorrow!

Morning, Veganism, Belief

I did not sleep well last night. I would wake up, look at the clock, roll over, and then what seemed like five seconds later I would roll over again and see that an hour had passed. That happened at least five times, at 2AM all the way to 7AM, then the last whole hour was just exhausting. No sleep, but it went by fast. So my whole night felt like a few blinks with no real sleep. I mean, I obviously must have slept, but I don't feel it at all. I know that happens a lot to people, but it's so annoying.

I can't believe there are only two weeks left of school, then a few more days for finals. I'll be home in less than three weeks! Or maybe exactly three weeks, depending on when my last final is. I'm excited, I have a bunch of vegan recipes I want to attempt when I get home! Have I mentioned how much I love being vegan? If not, I absolutely love it. ^_^ If only the food wasn't so expensive. It's so dumb, why does all the good stuff have to be more expensive than junk? If the people in charge really did care about the health of Americans, they would do something about that. But no, in reality everything here is driven by consumerism, so prices are going to reflect what people want to buy, and big companies are going to advertise in every square inch of the country that they can to encourage people to eat that food, whether or not it is bad for health or not. It just makes me mad, especially when I think about all the completely unnecessary suffering animals have to go through just for that junk food. It's just ridiculous. I can't stand the idea of eating something that had blood, or a heart, or a brain, or eating the product of another animal's mammary glands. That just sounds so... yuck *shudders* But that's my stand. I think the world would be a better place if everyone was vegan. Then again I think the world would be a better place if everyone loved Jesus and lived according to His teaching, but that's not going to happen in my lifetime. I don't want to be one of those aggressive activists for veganism or for Christianity. I want to live what I believe and talk respectfully and calmly to others about my beliefs. I want to live a life of love, compassion, hope and faith, and I think veganism and following Christ go perfectly together because of that. I'm not going to beat people over the head and try to convert them to either veganism or Christianity; I think that showing others in my lifestyle, my actions, and my character that I find the greatest pleasure in my beliefs is the best way to share the message.

(Not that I think being vegan is necessary for salvation or anything, I just think it's a great addition to being a Christian. I keep in mind what Paul said in Romans: "The man who eats everything must not look down on him who does not, and the man who does not eat everything must not condemn the man who does, for God has accepted him" [14:3] "For the kingdom of God is not a matter of eating and drinking, but of righteousness, peace and joy in the Holy Spirit" [14:17]. I know he was talking to Jews and Gentiles, but I think it applies to vegans and non-vegans too. I refuse to condemn people for not being vegan (or for anything really) because it isn't my place to judge. I may be convinced that veganism is right, but that is my conviction. It isn't my place to say what is absolute truth or not. I'm not God, I'm not any kind of authority at all, so I won't judge others. I'll love everyone no matter what they eat and leave it up to God to know what is right and wrong.)

Well that was a nice way to spend the morning! I guess now I'll head over to World Literature and talk about the Mayan creation story.

I love you all! Have a blessed day!