Random Update

Ok, this is totally random, but I just thought this was a good article.

http://www.carm.org/religious-movements/open-theism/logical-refutation-open-theism

School is so busy right now. I'm working on a linguistics research paper right now, and right when I'm done I'll start on my next one, and then right after that I'll work on my Medieval Lit paper, and then after that I'll make my presentation for Christianity & Culture class, and then all sorts of other little assignments will get sprinkled in between. I can't believe only three weeks left, then I'll be on my way home! I have soo many books I can't wait to start reading! This summer is going to be so book-filled, I can't even tell you how excited I am. I'll probably also keep working on the World Literature powerpoints for Dr. Delony's class next semester, and I'll have to contact all the freshmen that are going to be in my Cornerstone class in which I will be the Peer Leader ^_^ I'm pretty excited about that too, since I'll be working with Dr. Delony again. It will be my fourth semester in one of her classes, except this time I won't have to do any classwork, haha! I just have to interact with other students instead... Not what I'm best known for, but it'll be nice to branch out, expand my horizons, and maybe make me a better candidate for Resident Assistant my senior year.

Since I didn't get to be an RA next year, I think I at least got the next best thing: I'll be living in a condo right across the street (yay for walking-distance!) with three friends so that the monthly rent for each of us is $200, plus, the only extra cost is water, everything else is covered by the landlord, sweet! So not so bad at all really. At least I don't have to drive to school, that was the main thing for me. I love living on campus and just being able to walk to class.

Other than just working non-stop for classes, I really haven't been up to much. I am just so ready for this semester to be over, and thankfully after this I will only every have to take about 13 hours a semester to graduate, so no more of this 17 hour load, woohoo! I'll actually have breathing room to interact with my freshmen, and read and write more for pleasure (hopefully)...and that's as far as I'll dare to hope, lol.

Ok, well, back to the research papers for me. Until next time!

A Lovely Tuesday

So yesterday was pretty much amazing. I'll walk you through my day. I woke up, took a shower, went to the Connections Cafe and chatted with Becky (the lovely lady who works there) for a while then went to sit in my Bible classroom. Class started at 9:30, we took an attendance quiz because about 10 people were gone so we got extra points just for staying in town long enough to show up. We ran through an introduction of Proverbs, and THEN, class got out 45 minutes early. So I came back to the room and played Words With Friends (a scrabble game application on the iphone) for an hour or two. Then I used a meal plan, went to the Campus Store to buy a few drinks for the rest of the week since it'll be closed during the holiday. Then Lorie (my best friend here at ACU) drove me to the hair cutter place, but since I had 50 minutes until my bowling test and there were a few people ahead of us we decided to come back later, so we went to her room and hung out, looking at pretty dresses on eBay and chatting, all the while realizing how amazing it would be for us to live together at some point because we feed off of each other so well. Then I went to bowling, finished the test in less than 10 minutes, and bowled one game in which I gtot a spare the first frame, followed immediately by a turkey!! FINALLY! I have been waiting so long to get a turkey! It was so exciting! In the end I bowled a 156, less than my high score of 160, but still, I got a turkey! If I had just bowled a spare in the 10th frame and gotten my extra pins I would have beated my 160. Oh well. No big deal. I will admit that I say a little prayer every time I step up to the approach, because I figure, God's the one controlling the pins. I mean, I've seen a ton of perfect throws that look like they'll make perfect strikes, and they'll leave one or two pins, or really off throws that end up making strikes. So it's pretty unpredictable, and there's no reason not to incorporate God into all the little aspects of life anyway.

So yeah, after my fabulous game Lorie and I went back to the hair cutters and I got the best hair dresser I've ever had. She was so patient, supportive, and excited for me while she was cutting. We started out a little cautious with my hair, but after a while of going at it with a sharp razor, I finally decided I just wanted her to bring out the clippers and shave it down really short. And she did, using a 1.5 guard in the back, a 2 guard on the sides, and then blended it all in and chopped up the top a little. It turned out so perfectly, and when she looked at it she was like, "I want this haircut now!" ^_^ And the great thing was that the cut only cost 7.95, totally worth it! Her name was Vanessa, I need to remember that, lol. (pictures are on facebook)

So then Lorie and I came back, went to the food court to use our meal plans, then I had to rush off to go to the planetarium for my Astronomy class at 5:30. We learned a little about Uranus, and I remembered how much I like planetariums, sitting in the dome theatre looking up like your looking at the sky and actually seeing all the stars.

Well I got back at 7 and hung out with Lorie the rest of the night, which was wonderful. She bid on a dress on eBay that is super cute and won it at around 10. I spent the whole time looking at handmade hippie dresses, which are soooooooo gorgeous! And if I was rich I would buy them all. I want that to be my style now! It also inspired me to make my own dresses, but I'd have to learn how to sew and make dresses first. It would be so worth it though. And if Lorie and I live together, we are definitely going to make our own clothes, and have tea parties, and be all free-spirited and artsy and read and listen to music constantly, oh goodness, sounds like heaven! So if we don't get hired as RAs, there is still an upside to look forward to! While I would love to be an RA and get paid to live in the dorm, I won't feel bad if I don't because being Lorie's housemate will be amazing. ^_^

Ok, so at around 10:45 Lorie went to bed because she has work at 5am (which is where she is now), so I went to my room, but for some reason I could NOT fall asleep. I don't think I drifted off until around 1, but the next thing I know it's 3:25 and I'm wide awake. So I took a shower, and got on my computer to pass the time. And now I am listening to music while Lorie is at work watching Spirited Away, and now that I'm finished with this post I can chat with her on Facebook or something, lol.

So that's my fabulous yesterday, and now it's time for Thanksgiving Break! I have a few things I want to do, but nothing school related since I have no homework whatsoever, and no finals to study for. Woohoo! Free time!

God is So Good

He really is. I am so blessed. Being here in this school is so amazing, all the opportunities I have and resources I have are incredible, I have a wonderful supportive loving family, and then I also get little surprise blessings along the way that I didn’t expect. Yesterday I bought a diet 7Up from the Campus Store using the Bean Bucks that I am required to have because of the meal plan I am required to have as a student who lives on campus. It was 84 cents. (I had to pay about $1270 for the meal plan, and I get 7 meals/week along with 100 Bean Bucks/semester). Well, the bottle said there was a code under the cap, so, having time to waste I decided to go ahead and type in the code online. Well, lo and behold, I hit the “submit” button and instead of the “Sorry, you do not have a winning code at this time” page that I was expecting to pop up, what greets me is “You’ve Won!” Well that woke me up. Apparently my code won me a $50 gift card for gas! Well I was so excited a made a little yelping noise and the woman next to me in the store started celebrating with me. So I clicked the “Claim Prize” button and then was told the card should arrive in the mail within 6-8 weeks. I mean, seriously, who would ever expect something like that to happen? God is just awesome like that, sprinkling in little fun gifts in people’s lives when they seem so dull and monotonous. So I’d say it was worth 84 cents to buy that one little soda.
But even if I hadn’t won, I know that God is good. Way better than good even. He is ___ (Fill in the blank with any and all magnificent adjectives). And HE IS. I love my life right now. I am so blessed, so blessed, I am spilling over with blessings. I mean, I get down every now and then, but as the Audio Adrenaline songs says, He picks me up again. School is going well overall, I love my classes and my professors (I love that word, it makes me feel like I’m in Harry Potter, lol). This place is just so encouraging, I feel like the entire world is open to me. I’m going to take Japanese classes next year, and I also have an opportunity to come back during the summer and help teach Japanese high school students English, and there is also a missional interest meeting next week that includes missions to Japan, and my Old Testament teacher specifically mentioned to me two people in the Bible Department who have a special interest in Japan that he could get me in touch with. All these things just suddenly appeared to me last week! And it all sounds so exciting! I’ve had an interest in Japanese culture for a long time now, and now it really seems like learning it, the language, going to the actual country – all of it seems like a possible reality now. I never dared to entertain the thought, it always seemed more like a fanciful dream or a hobby at most. This is just amazing, nothing seems too out of reach anymore.
Then again, that’s God’s whole message isn’t it? Nothing is impossible with Him.
God is so good!

Towers fall and kingdoms crumble
Mountains bow and the earth will tremble
At the sound of Your Name
Strong men fall as to him who humbles
The plans he made were bound to stumble
And only You remain, only You remain
Oh oh
(Sound of Your Name - Above the Golden State)

20 = 1/5 of a Century

So I’ve made it to this point of my life, an age where the immaturities and dramas of adolescence are supposed to just fall away like a fashion trend left behind in a passing decade, scoffed for its unenlightened taste but remembered for the endearing qualities that captured the time in an enjoyable memory. I’ve reached a time where it feels like I should move on to bigger better things, where I should step out of the mindsets holding me back and strap on the new adventure-seeking boots and rugged jackets ready to take the abuse of a more sinister age-group that will no longer be willing to look at me as just another naïve silly teenager. I’ve reached a new terrain on this path to the peak of the moutain, the ground is shifting as the road gets higher and the air gets thinner, but the sun is shining brighter and closer than ever.

Admittedly I didn’t wake up this morning with fairy dust or cosmic sparkles or confetti swooshing from the air to the sound of horns and trumpets. It has basically been a normal day besides the abundant “Happy Birthday” messages of different mediums reaching me throughout the day – texts, emails, writing on the dry erase board on my door, cards both online and in the mail, gifts and packages, and phone calls. But I didn’t hear an internal pop at the magic hour when my time on earth had rolled over from 19.9 to 20 years and the annual radio turned on. I just woke up and knew. I had to make a conscious decision to acknowledge that yes, this is the twenty-first September 17th I have ever lived through, which means this is the completion of my twentieth year on earth. I have to decide that I want to change because Nature isn’t going to make that decision for me. It can biologically push me forward down the one-way street of Time, but ultimately it is up to me to say I am going to change, I am going to be different from now on! Technically I could say this at any point I wanted, but birthdays are a much more symbolic moment. As of now I have officially passed through the teenage phase and into the young adult phase of life. This is supposed to be the time when life starts getting real, when I am supposed to start taking responsibility for myself, to learn things about the outside world, how it works, what it takes to survive on my own, when to be wary of things that look too good to be true, when to jump on the right opportunities, and so on. Of course, it is always good to have these kinds of discernment, but it is much more expected of someone who has reached a certain age and more unforgivable if they haven’t. To be honest, I would rather be turning fifty right now, an age I consider wise, rich in knowledge and experience, and full of joy for having lived long enough to really outgrow all the layers of immaturity without losing a childlike joy for life itself, and at the same time growing mature enough to fall deeply in love with God and yet having the wisdom to know that you are still a child in His eyes. Life is full of oxymoronic dichotomies. Grow older in years to realize how childlike you are in the face of God. I feel so ready to hopscotch through life, experience everything at once, read the end of the book before taking the journey of the story. I want it all! And I want it all now! I want to know how my grandparents feel when they wake up every day knowing they have come this far. I want to know what it is like to watch the sun rise over the tops of mountains while sipping tea in a fertile green hillside. I want to know what it’s like to look in a mirror, see wrinkles that have been companions for decades, and smile at the sight of them. I want to know what it’s like to watch gray hair turn whiter every day. I want to know what it’s like to reach a point where I appreciate age so much I wouldn’t trade it for youth, because the years I’ve lived have filled me with too much joy to give up. I’m so ready to be there. But it looks like I still have to keep going at the same rate, because in order to get there, I have to take the ride first. But to get there, I have to live a life that I can look back on and smile. And to live that kind of life, I have to change my attitude. And what better time to start than now, today, on a birthday train that picks me up at Teenager Lane and drops me off at Twenty-Something Street? Life hasn’t stopped yet, it just keeps taking me to new places, to new selves to try on, to new people to meet. God, take me by the hand, pull me in close, whisper in my ear something encouraging, and lead me away. I’m willing, and I trust You.

Ending The Summer

Well, this is it, I'm back at school and classes start in the morning. I realize I left a big gap between now and my last post during the summer, and looking back I guess I could have written a bit more, but overall I wasn't doing anything that seemed worth mentioning, just staying at home and relaxing, reading, writing, watching old movies, just being in the house and soaking in the scenery. The summer was so long, and I could have handled a lot more time as I was, but I don't mind being back. In fact, I love being here. ACU is such a great fit for me, it's just the traveling time and packing time in-between that I could live without.

My trip back to school was uneventful, no accidents or traffic stops or cops pulling me over (I never once went over the speed limit this time :), and I managed to get to school in 6 hours and 14 minutes exactly, even with a 15 minute break. I pulled into a parking space right at 2:00pm and started unloading some stuff, and the first person I met was Lorie, which made me happy. It was nice to see her again, and then I got into the room and Alex had already set up her side of the room. I eventually was able to see (and hug) Kristin, Janille, Mary, Darby, and Stephanie, and get a little caught up. Apparently I wasn't the only one who changed her hair color over the summer, so it was cool seeing everyone's new looks, and peaking in on their rooms. As expected, Mary and Darby have a very comfortable, homey space, just like their last room, only bigger and better able to hold all their stuff. :)

I really like my room, it feels a lot like my old one in McDonald, except there is a little more space to fit an extra person. Otherwise it's pretty neat, clean, organized, simple, just the way I like it. Alex is so sweet and down-to-earth, I think we'll get along great (which is why I was so happy she agreed to be my roommate, I had a good feeling about her...). I really hope all of us who signed up together are able to stay close. It feels weird not having the lobby right outside our doors like we're used to having, so I hope that doesn't keep us from getting together a lot. I miss McDonald, but Sikes has a lot of good qualities. It feels so much like a hotel, including having our own bathrooms in each room. That should be a nice change, not that having community bathrooms bothered me, but it'll be nice to not have to walk down the hall anymore just to use a toilet in the middle of the night. And Alex brought a TV with her, so there's a TV in my room this time. That'll take some getting used to also. But whatever. It's nothing to complain about really, just something different.

I think I'm going to like my schedule this semester, it's a lot like last semester, except I have two classes on Friday instead of one (oh darn, isn't that just awful??? :P lol). I hope my Film Appreciation class on Monday nights will be more endurable than Lifetime Wellness was. I'll be watching movies instead of doing physical activities from 6-10. And hopefully I can survive slam poetry at the beginning of my Poetry Workshop class, I despise public speaking, but it's just something I have to do I guess. Lord, give me strength and courage... It's actually supposed to be something that gets everyone revved up and excited, but for me it's terrifying. I'm more of the silent-writer type.

Besides classes I have a lot of things to take care of, getting paperwork for scholarships and insurance and that kind of thing. I'll find time for it, I just wish I could get it all done in one day, but I know there will be some waiting involved. Oh well, what can you do? Just have to take things as they come. I'm really praying that I can be calm this semester. I mean, it'll be weird not being stressed all the time - I feel like that's wired into my personality - but I at least want to be able to be excited and happy about what I'm doing and not just worried that I'm not doing it well enough. I want to be able to live like today is my last day and really enjoy each moment, like those people with terminal illnesses. I want to see all the little things and have my priorities straight, and do all the things I want to do without worrying about doing things I feel I "have" to do. I really feel in my element when I'm writing, that's when I am the most comfortable, so I want to be able to write for a living, even if it doesn't seem like the "best" job to have, I love the feeling I get when I just sit down and start typing away, and I would do that for the rest of my life if I find the opportunity, even if it didn't pay large amounts of money. Isn't doing what you love more important than that? That's what I keep hearing. I don't want my life to turn into one more mistake or regret or missed opportunity. And if that's going to happen I have to stop worrying about everything. I have to trust God, trust that He will provide and take care of me no matter what, even when I'm terrified I have to cling to Him over everything else. In the end, He is all I have, and I need to remember that. I need to trust Him, listen to Him, love Him, and live for Him. That's all I can do. I just need a lot of help doing it, because I can't even do any of that without Him.

Ok, well, that's all I have for tonight. Tomorrow starts my life's next chapter titled Sophomore Year, The Adventure Continues.

Update on Life

So I really haven’t been up to anything much since my last post. I’ve been reading, writing, doing random things online, enjoying time by myself and time with my mom and sister, thinking about things, and since Tuesday night, playing Sims 3 that my sister got. Thursday was my sister’s last day of high school, so she’s a junior now. Freaky. Hard to believe really. But it also means that I won’t be home alone anymore, so that’s kind of a bummer, lol. I play the Sims when she’s not home so that way I’m not taking away from her time to play. Then again, what I mostly like about the Sims is the creating part: I love to design the characters and their houses, after that all I’m interested in is making them master each skill. My sister is the one who actually like to make them live lives, get married, have jobs, have kids, meet people and hang out, that kind of thing. My characters are always loners who focus solely on master one skill at a time by being hermits in their own houses. So really, it’s more interesting to watch Elisa play her characters than play mine. I also know that I have an addicted personality so if I start playing, I’ll spend the whole day on it, or more than a day, which is why I try to avoid games in the first place. I stayed up all night for two nights playing Sims 3 when Elisa first got it, after that she didn’t want me playing at night anymore because the computer is in her room and it makes it hard for her to sleep, even when it’s muted. But I think the novelty is wearing off now so I can just watch her play while I read and write now.
Next week my mom, sister and I are going to go to Florida to spend the week with my grandparents (yay!!!). It’s been a while since we last saw them, and this way mom can have a week of vacation. I love my grandparents, so I’m really excited about going to see them, and the last few times I’ve spoken to grandma she’s sounded pretty good, so hopefully she’ll be feeling well while we’re down there. Plus I’m looking forward to hanging out with my grandpa, going grocery shopping and to Sam’s and walking and that kind of thing. Mom also thought it would be fun to go to Disney World one day and ride the new Harry Potter ride (roller coaster?), so that should be fun. I do love roller coasters. ^_^
Also, Friday (yesterday) was my dad’s birthday, so here’s a big shout out to him:
HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I know he had a good one because he’s been in California for a week or so with his family, and that’s one of his favorite places to be. I’d really like to go up there again sometime and see everybody. I don’t see them nearly as much as I’d like. I love my Wyrick family, they’re amazing people, so sweet and thoughtful and caring and loving. It’s the kind of family that if everyone had it, the world would be a better place. :)
I don’t have any big plans for this week, so I guess I’ll just keep doing what I’ve been doing, which is fine with me. I definitely hope to see my dad soon when he gets back on the 8th, and then on Saturday the 13th it’s off to Florida. I can’t wait to see you, Grandpa!!!! I love you!!!
Hope you are all doing well and enjoying life. Until next time!

Just Some Thoughts

So these are just some thoughts I’ve had recently. Right now I feel like my body is twice as big as it was when I started college. I feel like everything about my body has ballooned. I feel so big. But, I don’t feel discouraged. It’s amazing, all through high school I would have been miserably depressed if I had gained so much weight, but I’m growing up, growing out of that. I’m becoming a woman with bigger concerns. It doesn’t bother me that I’m not a stick figure anymore. It doesn’t hurt me to know I’m not skinny. I see thin girls around me and I am able to go on with my day. I see natural women of all sorts of shapes and sizes and it makes me smile to see them. They look beautiful to me, like real women who have embraced their bodies and live with them. Seeing real women makes me confident enough to be who I am, to not worry about my body, to not be stressed about not being the perfect ideal size I was in high school. I am who I am, and I am thankful for all the blessings I have in my life, all the family and friends who support me and lift me up and show me that life is bigger than just me. I don’t want to get bogged down in obsession with my weight again. I’m happier and more confident in myself that I’ve been in a very long time, and I only want to get more active as I get older, so I’m thankful that I have been able to gain weight without getting depressed.

Second, I don’t think my mom is ready to understand why I am vegan. It seems like she thinks I am still locked in my eating disorder and that that is what motivates me to be vegan. I don’t think she knows how strongly I feel for the cause, but I also think it would be difficult to explain my beliefs. I have this feeling that mom would have a hard time accepting that I have a sincere conviction to be vegan instead of an unhealthy disorder as my primary motive. I admit that my eating disorder was what first pushed me to be a vegan – it was very self-centered and simple-minded – but now I truly believe in what it stands for. Not to mention that vegans don’t appreciate anorexic vegans because it gives veganism a bad reputation. People already use the statistic that among vegetarians and vegans there is a higher percentage of eating disorders against it, so it’s better if I’m not super skinny again.

Third, I really don’t understand the stereotypical disgust that teenagers have toward their parents showing affection to each other. Maybe it’s because my parents are divorced, but I would be thrilled to see my parents kissing or showing PDA of some kind. It’s a sign that they love each other, why wouldn’t kids want to be assured of that? When I was a kid, that’s all I ever wanted. I dreamed about it, prayed for it. So I think that kids take it for granted when they get all weirded out because their parents hug and kiss and so on.

That’s all for now. I’ve been home a little more than a week but it feels longer, which is fine by me, I like it when time stretches out when you actually WANT it to. :)

Thoughts, Life & Lifestyle, Money, Stress

I've been thinking about this a lot for the past few days, maybe week, and I've come to the conclusion that I really don't like having a lot of stuff. I mean, I've known that for a long time, but I hadn't decided for sure that I could LIVE a lifestyle that was as minimalist as I was imagining. I don't watch TV, which means I don't need to buy one or own one or pay for the electricity to run it. I don't watch movies so I don't need to own those either. All of my music is on my computer so I don't need CDs. I don't need to own books because I can always go to a library or look stuff up online (because afterall, I don't tend to reread things). The only exception to that is my Bible: I definitely like having a Bible at hand and in my hands, and I definitely do reread it. But most of the "important" stuff is in my computer, so I guess as long as I have a place to plug it in I'm set. I could probably live without a phone because of instant messaging, email, and Skype. It might be a little less convenient than a phone, but seriously, the world does not need to revolve around convenience. And I'm not a fashion girl so I don't care about clothes or shopping, or makeup, so I'm not burdened down by needing to own a lot of that stuff. And I don't like driving, so I could live with walking or a bike, or at the most a moped, but I'd really like to avoid having to deal with car insurance, repairs and checkups, gas and government fees that come with owning a vehicle. That kind of stuff gets annoying really. And since I really don't go very many places, I don't really NEED to have a car. I actually like staying put: it's the people around me that make a place interesting, and with people of the world connected through the internet, it seems to me like I could be happy anywhere. Ideally I would love to live close to my mom and dad (I have a feeling my sister is the traveling type so I can't base my location on hers), maybe even move back to The Woodlands after I graduate. But another strange thing I have discovered is that I might actually be interested in living in New York, which is crazy because for my whole life I have been saying that I would DIE if I had to live in New York. I used to hate the idea of living in a huge, busy city, the idea of being one in a population of however many million, but that is where many of the publishing companies are that I might be interested in working for, so I have been playing with the idea of being there permanently. But for many years now I have been very anxious about money, and I worry a lot about whether in my future I will have enough to sustain myself. That is one of the (many) reasons I do not want to get married or have children, or pets because then I would not be responsible for just myself but for my family. I would have to MAKE SURE that I have a stable income to support the people depending on me, and I can't handle that responsibility. I only want to be responsible for myself. I can't handle any more added pressure than that. High school was bad enough when I stressed out about making SURE I got all 5s on my AP tests, got the National Merit Scholarship, got a high GPA and etc. I did everything to make sure I was able to get into a good college and afford it, which worked wonderfully and God has blessed me richly with my experience at ACU so far and I know even greater experiences are yet to come. But my whole motivation was MONEY. I didn't want my parents to feel burdened about paying for college (even though they always said I didn't have to worry about that, I still do), and I didn't want to feel like if they couldn't afford my school that I would have to pay for it myself because I was scared I would never have the money to pay for it, and I HATED (and still hate) the idea of being in debt or having to pay student loans. I just...I can't stand the idea of being in the negative, which is one of the many many why I live such a frugal lifestyle. The less I spend - and the less I desire to buy STUFF - the less likely I will fall into debt. So the key for me is to not desire things. If I don't have desire, I don't want to buy, and if I don't want to buy I don't need money to buy, and if I don't need money to buy then I don't need to get a big fancy high-paying job. (Sounds pretty Buddhist, doesn't it? lol) I can be happy and satisfied with a minimal job that pays me enough money to get by. And I don't have to worry about getting the high-paying job in order to support a family. It just gives me so much relief to think about this simple lifestyle. The less I have, the happier I am. I try to be as simple as possible, and I find that if I ever take something that is offered to me, I start thinking of who I can give it to. I figure mostly, if I have a place to sleep, a place to plug in my laptop and get internet (an offer at many restaurants and coffee shops and grocery stores these days), a place to bathe and brush my teeth, I can get by pretty happily. For now I think that is my minimum. Of course, I'll also need a place to get vegan food, but you can find that anywhere now. I suppose ideally I would like to be close to a Whole Foods, which they have in NY, but that of course is by no means the only place. And I figure if that's all I need, I can live a pretty cheap life, which is very comforting to me. Maybe I'd be able to room with a bunch of other people who think like me and we can split the cost to an easy price for all of us. And I'm also thinking that if I don't have to worry about making a lot of money to live, I will have more time to dedicate to community service or non-profit organizations or whatnot. I'm not looking to be a bum, I'm looking to have less of a stressful burden on my head that lets me explore the world and find my place in the community without the annoying requirement of money. I hate how it seems there is a minimum requirement of income for a person to live in America and be considered "normal". It seems like there are so many fees and bills and taxes and payments for food, housing, insurance, clothes, water and electricity, phone, internet, etc that a person just HAS to take into account when they consider how much money they need to make in order to just "get by". I HATE that, it stresses me out to the point of depression, anxiety and tears. I want to avoid that stuff as much as possible, and I'll do just about anything to avoid it. I'll give up whatever it takes, seriously. I just want to feel like I'm a productive member of the community and a productive follower of Christ, and I just don't feel like living my life to make money in order to pay for all these so-called "necessary" aspects of the American life is a part of the life I want to live. It's not. So I plan my future pretty much around being homeless so that if it comes to that I am mentally prepared to live that way. And after this week of deep contemplation, I've come to the conclusion that I could, and that is such a great comfort and relief to me to know that I would be willing to do that. It makes me feel free to make a lot of different choices without worrying about money. You can't put a price on the relief this feeling gives me. And after all, Jesus said that the Son of Man has no place to rest his head, so if he could live the wandering life, I figure I should be able to also.